I Love You
by oumami
Summary: Komaeda has been having recurring nightmares of Hinata's death. Hinata has to help comfort him during these times. [Based off a prompt.] / T for death/suicide/emeto ment.


A/N; **NOT** BETA-READ! (Most of my stories aren't, actually. =n=) Tw for character death, implied suicide, and emeto ment. With that said, I hope you enjoy my first-ever completed Komahina fic!

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He was dying.

He was dying, he was dying—Komaeda felt his breaths quickening, shaking, heart thumping wildly in his chest. Hinata was dying—Komaeda thrust his head up, unfocused gray eyes searching the monitor for the hope he so desperately needed. Instead, he was met with the reality of his lover's heart rate slowly decreasing, numbers dropping lower, lower—until it had dropped into a flat, straight line. Rock bottom. Zero.

He was dead.

" _Aaaaaahh!"_

Komaeda shot up in his bed, screaming, eyes wide as he surveyed his dark room. He—He kept having this same dream, this nightmare, filling him to the brim with despair. They'd started constantly appearing, a week ago, maybe. Well—the day after Komaeda's birthday.

April 29th.

Hinata had been so upbeat that day, and Komaeda distinctly remembered how exciting it had all been for him. Hinata—He… wouldn't leave Komaeda behind like that, no, not after such a perfect day. There was no way.

So… what did these nightmares mean…?

"Nagito?"

The white-haired male flinched at the drowsy voice calling his name from the next room, hands shaking as they gripped the covers tightly, pulling them to his chest. Hinata slowly revealed himself in Komaeda's doorway, clad only in his pajamas—which were eerily similar to the hospital gown he'd been wearing in Komaeda's nightmare. He turned paler than before, knuckles going white from the pressure he was putting on them.

"It's one in the morning, Nagito, I'm—"

Hinata's hazy eyes flickered awake with worry as soon as the brunet saw how dishevelled his boyfriend looked, curled up in the corner of his bed, back pressed against the headboard, his entire body shaking with fear.

"H...Haji...me?"

A brief silence settled within the room, interrupted by Hinata's quiet, low voice.

"...Did it...happen again?"

Komaeda stared up into the other's warm eyes, illuminated only by the dim moonlight showering through his open blinds, wanting nothing more than to leap up and run into Hinata's arms and hug him, touch him, touch him all over to confirm he was real, to confirm he hadn't left—

"I-It...happened again."

Instead, Komaeda simply opened his mouth, letting the words tensely leave his barely parted lips.

Hinata's expression immediately turned to that of concern, holding his arms out for a hug. A gentle smile graced his lips, softening his expression, in hopes of making Komaeda feel more welcome and safe. "Come here, Nagito."

He nodded shakily, shuffling to the edge of his bed. He stepped off, foot gingerly touching the carpeted floor. One shaky step, two steps, three—Komaeda nearly crashed into Hinata, the two only staying up due to the brunet's strength and reflexes. He hadn't planned to throw himself at Hinata with such force, nor had he planned to cry, no—but his body had had other ideas. The tears flowed nearly instantly, and Komaeda buried his face into his partner's shoulder, hugging the other male tightly.

"Hajime—H-Hajime, don't go—promise me—Y-You have to...to _promise_ me—I, I—I can't—I can't live wi...withou—"

He was hiccupping, his vision blurry and unclear, . Komaeda felt a warm, gentle hand caress his back, lightly patting him, soothing him.

"Shh, Nagito...I'm here now, and that's all that matters. It was just a nightmare."

Komaeda felt so useless, helpless, hopeless, having to throw all his issues onto his lover like this, but somehow Hinata always made him feel better, never complaining about how lamely dependent he was.

"Go back to sleep, okay? And if you need me, I'm...literally one door over."

Komaeda's eyes widened, and he snapped his head up, holding eye contact with the brunet, a new batch of tears threatening to overflow.

"H—Hajime, you—you can't leave, okay? You—can't, you can't, y-you, you—you can't—you have to s-stay, I, Hajime, I...I can't do this—" He started to splutter nonsense, his voice growing increasingly more and more panicked, bony hands clutching desperately at Hinata's shirt.

"Nagito...If it gets worse, you can sleep in my room, okay? Shh...It's not real, alright? I'm not going anywhere." Hinata continued to gently rub Komaeda's back, a soft, serene smile on his face. "I love you, alright, Nagito? Everything's okay."

"If—If you say so—" Nagito wiped away his tears with his sleeve, one hand subconsciously latched onto Hinata's arm, as if taking his hand off would result in the brunet disappearing. "I love you, Hajime—I, I—"

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." Hinata repeated himself, almost as if he already predicted what the white-haired male was about to say, his gentle smile unwavering. He lifted Komaeda, bridal style, and lightly set him down on his bed.

"Sweet dreams, Nagito." The brunet murmured the words, leaving a soft, feather-light kiss on the other's forehead. Komaeda raised one arm weakly towards Hinata, as if he didn't want to leave; however, his eyesight blurred, vision darkening as he drifted off to sleep, his last, certain memory being the soft, ghostly kiss he'd received.

"Hajime—y-you, you...promised, you promised, Hajime—"

Komaeda gripped the cold, unmoving hand, a hand that, unfortunately, belonged to his boyfriend. His love.

His _everything_.

Hinata.

The white-haired male had been sitting by Hinata's hospital bed for, what, the last hour? Two? Three? Days could've passed. Weeks, even, for all he knew. Time didn't matter, he had decided. He'd wait as long as it took for Hinata to open his eyes.

He kept wishing, desperately, for his luck to turn around, for something good to come out of this. Please, _please_. Komaeda would give up anything for Hinata to come back—anything, anything; he was willing to trade _himself_ in return for his lover's life.

"Uh, it's...time for you to leave, sir."

Komaeda spun around, tears stinging his already red eyes, at the disgusting, invasive sound of the nurse's voice. _Shut up_ , he wanted to yell, hands clenching into fists, tightening against Hinata's cold hand. _Shut up, shut up, shut_ —

"...I'm not leaving him."

"Sir, your time is up. We've extended the time by fifteen hours, and we can't extend it any more."

" _I'm not leaving_."

The nurse sighed, pressing dainty, gloved fingers against her glasses, pushing them up the bridge of her nose.

"Sir, your presence won't help him recover in any way." Komaeda's eyes widened, grip loosening on Hinata's hand, lips parting slightly from shock. "Please do yourself a favour and exit the room, or else I'll have to call securi—"

" _What do you mean my presence won't help him recover?! What do you_ mean?!"

The white-haired male shot up from his chair, eyes wide, pupils dilated. His hands shook, and he clenched and unclenched them indecisively as he waited for the filthy nurse's response.

"He's not going to wake up...anytime soon. We really have tried our best, sir...but denying this will help nobody. Please..."

She stared expectantly at him, slight pity in her otherwise unwavering gaze, as if admitting that Hinata had died was close to nothing to her. Komaeda, however, responded completely different; with uneven breaths, chest heaving up and down shakily.

"—Dead?...Hah...ahaha...Haji—...He isn't dead. Hajime—Haji—me—"

Komaeda backed up, one small step at a time, knocking over his chair in the process."He's not—He wouldn't leave...leave me—He—h-he promised, I—"

Everything around him seemed to blur, his head spinning wildly. He stumbled backwards, briefly registering that he'd crashed into the hospital bed. The nurse's rising voice faded into the fuzzing background. His vision darkened, the edges turning black, until finally his entire line of sight disappeared into a black void.

Komaeda woke himself up, clapping his hands over his mouth. Something warm was streaming down his cheeks, his fingers turning wet from the contact. He pulled them away, staring at them incredulously, as if not comprehending what was going on. _What… is that? Tears…? Am I… I… I need to_ —

He stood up shakily, taking one, two—three, four—steps, gradually increasing in speed, until he was running, leaping to the washroom, his breaths heavy, lips red from how severely he'd been biting them.

Ah…

Had he… been biting them?

What was… going on?

What… What was happening…?

He slammed the door shut, throwing himself down to the cold floor.

Before he'd realised exactly what was happening, Komaeda had kneeled down before the toilet, head directly above it, one pale hand shakily gripping the flush handle, pressing it down as hard as he possibly could. He watched his throwup swirl down the toilet, snot and tears dripping down to add to the mess.

He stood up after at least two minutes of staring at still, clear toilet water, hurriedly rinsing his mouth with water from the sink.

 _My… dream…_

He wiped his mouth with his sleeve, staring into the sink with wide, fearful eyes.

His dream, his nightmare; it had been so much more realistic, more detailed, than the previous ones. He was still shaking, even after having thrown up—ah, had he really… thrown up? How… disgusting…

"...Hajime...is..." Nagito held his head in his hands, bony digits shaking as they cupped his chin. "...He, he's...dead…?"

As if on cue, the door slowly opened, revealing the brunet, his ochre eyes filled with concern.

"Nagito, what're you doing?"

Komaeda spun around, eyes watering up again. He'd overreacted. That had only been a nightmare. Hajime—he was alive. His lovely, lovely boyfriend—alive, well, alive, alive, and well, and… alive...—he...—he, he was, Komaeda was… so happy, so happy…

He slowly stumbled towards the door, arms outstretched like a zombie.

"Hajime, Hajime, you're—here…"

"What do you mean? I told you, Nagito, I'm literally in the _room next to yours_."

His tone contradicted what should've been words of sarcasm. Instead, Komaeda registered them as words of comfort, embracing the other lightly. He collapsed into Hinata's arms, legs giving out entirely.

"...Hajime...don't leave, okay?"

He smiled up at the confused brunet—a creepily serene smile. "I like you a lot, so, don't leave me, ever...okay?"

"...Nagito, I love you…"

Although not answering his question with direct words, Hinata smiled, responding by tilting up Komaeda's chin, pressing a soft kiss against the other male's wet lips. "Stop worrying."

With a shaky breath, Komaeda nodded, leaning his head against Hinata's warm chest. "...Okay, Hajime...I won't worry anymore…"

"Good." Hinata started to move, stirring under Komaeda as he tried to turn around, causing the paler male to shoot up, eyes widening once more as he grabbed Hinata's sleeve.

"H-Hey, Hajime, w...what are you doing?"

"I'm going to my room, why?"

Komaeda's grip tightened on his boyfriend's sleeve, and Hinata turned, confused ochre hues meeting Komaeda's scared gray ones. A small smile crept across Hinata's previously worried expression, and he laughed quietly, one hand lightly grazing the top of Komaeda's dishevelled hair.

"I'm not leaving you, Nagito. I promised you could sleep with me if things got scary, didn't I?"

Komaeda nodded, hesitating for a second. Y...Yes, yes, he had. That was right. Komaeda could barely keep all of his thoughts in one place, his hands shaking as they let go of Hinata, who just smiled at him in return.

"Come on, Nagito. I'll carry you, 'kay?"

Komaeda wordlessly leaned forward into Hinata's chest, bony arms wrapping around his lover's neck, shaking, as if afraid Hinata would disappear. The brunet lightly patted Komaeda's back, before picking him up with a quiet grunt. Komaeda felt his arms wrapping around his legs and backside, and, slowly, he started to make his way towards what Komaeda could only assume was his room.

Eventually, at some point or another, the white-haired male had fallen asleep, due to the building stress, or tiredness, or a combination of both. Hinata quietly put him down, his fingers stroking Komaeda's hair softly, before swiftly exiting with one last, satisfied glance at his sleeping boyfriend.

Komaeda barely stirred, his breaths light and even. _I wonder what's happening_ , he briefly wondered. Something lightly brushed against his forehead, then swam through his pale hair. He turned to the side, expecting to see something, but was only met by the endless void of darkness.

 _Oh, that's right… I'm asleep, aren't I? Is this a dream?_

Komaeda stilled in the darkness. When he realised nothing was going to change, he attempted to wake himself up, grabbing at anything and everything around him. _Hah… I'm kind of lonely here. Where's Hajime? Hajime…_

Something in his mind shifted, and a slightly pained expression overtook his previously peaceful features. _He… Hajime, he…_

A pause. Komaeda let his outstretched limbs fall to his sides, head lowering to look at the infinite black void below him. A distant part of his mind briefly wondered how he was standing, if there was nothing solid under his feet.

 _Oh, that's right. I fell asleep in his bed, after throwing up… Hajime came and_ — _and…_

Komaeda paused, brow furrowing slightly.

 _And…_

That unpleasant thought was nagging at his mind again.

 _He…_

And again.

… _Hajime…_

Ah… He… he'd known the whole time, didn't he?

He pulled his hands up, up to cover his face.

… _Hajime, where are you?_

Daybreak.

Komaeda stared up at the bright ceiling, white hair flowing out under him. His gray eyes were paler than usual, dark circles under his eyes contrasting his scarily white skin.

"Hajime…"

He sat up, eyes glancing across the simple room. As expected, Hinata was nowhere to be found.

The white-haired male pulled off the soft blue covers, slipping onto the fluffy rug on the ground. He placed his hand on the side cabinet, his fingertips met with a material he hadn't expected—something that wasn't the smooth wood of the table.

Crumpled paper.

Komaeda turned around, eyes scanning the tabletop. A note, written in familiar handwriting, sat on the cabinet. Komaeda hesitated, hand reaching out carefully to flatten the creases.

' _I'm sorry, Nagito. I love you so much. I'm so sorry._ '

Komaeda paused, registering this for a moment. Somehow, it barely fazed him.

"Oh...Hajime left…"

The words flowed out of his mouth like a stream, and he widened his eyes at his own voice.

 _Left?_

"Ah—I…I…"

Komaeda pulled his thumb across the paper absently, flattening it again. He paused at the upper right corner, at the date space. The date written wasn't that recent, really. It was a date that had passed some time ago.

The day after his birthday.

April 29th.

The day he'd started to get those… nightmares.

Komaeda let go of the note.

Somewhere deep inside, something stirred. His hands—as shocked as he was, his hands weren't trembling in the least. Like in his latest dream.

 _Dreams…_

His dreams.

They'd been so real, so lifelike… had they happened? Had they actually happened?

Komaeda slowly raised a single hand to cover his mouth. Sure, maybe he wasn't shaking anymore, but it didn't mean he was taking this news well.

The dreams… he should've known. He…

He… He'd known, he'd known—that Hinata had left, for somewhere far away.

Hinata… had disappeared.

Komaeda had selfishly conjugated a false image of Hinata to help soothe him, to convince him that everything was fine, even after his love of his life had died.

 _I'm so worthless… I… Hajime, he… I did something wrong, didn't I…?_

Komaeda felt his breath catch in his throat, one hand lightly grasping at his thin neck.

' _No…'_

Ah…

Was… What was that? _Who_ was that? Hajime... wasn't here, and yet—

' _Nagito...Nagito, that's...wrong...You_ — _you won't...forget me, will you?'_

"Hajime…"

A flicker of the brunet's form settled into Komaeda's vision. Although it was blurry, Komaeda thought he could make out his lover's figure, one hand extended towards the white-haired male.

' _I'm still here, Nagito…'_

Komaeda looked up desperately, searching for the ochre eyes he knew and loved, but couldn't seem to find them in the fluid void of colours.

"Hajime…"

' _It's okay now, Nagito...You're okay…Everything will be fine.'_

A cold, gentle breeze seemingly overtook Komaeda's body, as if two cold arms had wrapped around him. Komaeda sank down to his knees, both hands now clasped around his neck.

"Hajime...what...am I supposed to do?"

' _Nagito…'_

"Hajime…" The white-haired male was mumbling, eyes half-lidded and glazed over as they stared at the ground. His grip tightened, straining his voice as he continued to speak. "...Tell me, Hajime—t-tell me what I...I'm supposed to...to...do now…I...let you...d-die...and, and you're n—"

' _Shh...Just relax, Nagito…Go back to sleep, okay? Sleep for as long as you want. You deserve it.'_

Komaeda pressed harder against his neck.

"...I love you, Hajime…Please don't...leave me again—"

The faint whisper from the white-haired male received no response. His eyes closed shut, head lolling forward lifelessly, hands still tight around his thin neck.

' _Just relax for me, Nagito.'_

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A/N; Asdfghjkl yay, I'm finally done! Okayokay, so, that was a pretty wild story, if I do say so myself /(=3=). Here I'm going to explain what happened, since it was kind of messy and hard to understand ;3; **Don't read this part if you don't want to be spoiled!**... Actually, why are you here if you didn't read the story yet, anyway?

So basically, Komaeda's been having terrible dreams for a while now. Every night, Hinata comforts him and the next day, everything's normal again. On the 8th, 9th-ish night, Komaeda has another dream, and their routine continues, but then Komaeda has a dream shortly after that is much worse and more vivid than usual. Komaeda starts to wonder if Hinata actually died, after throwing up, but Hinata's appearance convinces him otherwise, and he's extremely relieved and happy.

As Komaeda's going to sleep in Hinata's room, Hinata "exits," representing his disappearance.

Komaeda dreams about nothing that night. In his dream, he recalls something about Hinata disappearing, but it's a very faint thought, like he'd tried to forever lock it into the dark, hidden parts of his mind.

He wakes up, and realises Hinata isn't with him. For some reason, he is unfazed by the fact, and doesn't think twice about it.

Komaeda notices a note on Hinata's bedside cabinet. It's a very, very short note, aimed at Komaeda. It's Hinata's last letter, you know, the ones that people write before committing suicide or leaving someone forever. In this case, Hinata committed suicide.

Even though he'd already known Hinata had disappeared, this still shocks Komaeda. He registers this, realising that the dreams were real events, and Komaeda had been making up a fake character the entire time.

Just as he's about to give into the despair, "Hinata" appears once more. He's a fake, a hallucination made up by Komaeda (again), if his description wasn't enough of a giveaway. However, Komaeda, not wanting to believe his lover had died, decides to believe that this, against any and all logic, is the real Hinata speaking to him.

The hallucination version of Hinata was almost like his own subconscious talking to himself. "Relax" and "sleep" are implying that he should kill himself, since Komaeda blames himself for Hinata's death. Since his mind is in a bad place, this conversation with "Hinata" is very odd, and he ends up choking himself until he falls unconscious. Whether Komaeda actually ends up dying or not is up to you.

Okay, okay! That's the end of the summary. Hopefully that cleared up some things! Leave a review if you'd like to, those are always helpful!


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